I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
