After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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