I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
