Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
