Sry I called you an 8
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
