i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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