Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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