I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
