She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
this hospital has no fireball
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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