so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
