Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
