...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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