so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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