He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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