i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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