we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
