I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
