We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
