I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
