he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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