that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need moral support for this bender
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
