So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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