Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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