**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
