i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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