your room smells of hookers.
And success
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
