So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
