Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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