If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
