She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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