I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
