Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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