Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
