I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
