can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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