chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
zippers are such a cool invention
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
