Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize