So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
