Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize