i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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