is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
