The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize