What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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