Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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