i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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