Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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