His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
