Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
