is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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