So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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