Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
