I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
