I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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