if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
