next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
