Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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