I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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