Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
