just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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