Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
