My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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