wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
